Political Satire based on documented events
By J. H. Irwin
Author | Storyteller | Satirist
President Donald Trump escalated his trade war with Canada on Monday, announcing that tariffs on Canadian automobiles, trucks, auto parts, and steel will rise to 50 percent on January 1, 2027. This came just days after separate 50 percent tariffs took effect on roughly $20 billion in Canadian goods, including wine, cheese, honey, hockey sticks, electronics, candles, and cement. Apparently, the plan for making America affordable now includes charging Americans substantially more for everything required to build a house, drive to work, enjoy dinner, or play hockey in the driveway. Reuters reported that shares of several major automakers fell following the announcement, which is how Wall Street traditionally applauds brilliant economic strategy.
Trump says Canada has been taking advantage of the United States and has encouraged Canadian manufacturers to move their operations south to avoid the tariffs. This is a wonderfully simple approach to international commerce: threaten a sovereign country, damage its industries, disrupt your own supply chains, and then invite its businesses over as though nothing awkward has happened. It is less a trade policy than a protection racket conducted beneath a banner reading “Friendship Through Financial Coercion.”
The automotive industry presents one small inconvenience for this master plan. American and Canadian manufacturing is so thoroughly integrated that vehicle components can cross the border several times before a finished car reaches a dealership. A tariff applied each time something crosses that border does not punish Canada in splendid isolation. It raises costs for American manufacturers and consumers too. Fortunately, the administration appears to have discovered a revolutionary economic principle: if Americans pay the tariff, but the president says Canada is paying it loudly enough, perhaps the cash register will become confused.
Canada is preparing dollar-for-dollar retaliatory tariffs on American products beginning September 8, while Prime Minister Mark Carney says his country will not accept an agreement that compromises Canadian sovereignty. Thus, two nations that share a continent, a deeply integrated economy, the world’s longest international border, and generations of friendship are preparing to make one another’s goods more expensive. Somewhere, China is watching quietly, Europe is updating its trade contacts, and America’s consumers are being assured that the rapidly approaching bill is actually a tremendous victory.
Where the absurdity of this moment gets the satire it deserves, and all the gold in the world still can’t buy good taste.
Read The Gilded Toilet at Still Human → https://substack.com/@jhirwin